Guys & pantyhose

Ya know? I was doing some thinking.. Why cant guys wear pantyhose? After all,
they do make your legs look better. So today I decided to wear a pair of sheer
pantyhose under my shorts. These are the kind that really don't have much of a
color to them and I don't think anyone even noticed. I think I may have to start
doing this more often. Sure, some people might notice & laugh, but who cares? I
think they're darned comfy! Those that laugh don't know what they are missing.

Reopening an old chapter - part 2

Well, my friend seems to not have any issues with me being a crossdresser which
is a good thing. Another friend simply said "Hey, it's all good." All in all,
the reactions are as expected. Either neutral or liking it.

Reopening an old chapter.....

I had one of those jaw-dropping, oh my god moments this morning. I got a myspace
message over the weekend and finally got a chance to read it. Now, I only have a
myspace account because a piece of software I am testing links to it. But of
course I did fill out the basics, including a picture. I got a message from a
person who only uses their first name and I know that there are only a handful
of people that I have mentioned my myspace account to. All of them are TGs or
GGs that know about me so I naturally assumed that this message was one of the
many SPAM messages I get through myspace. Here is a quote from the message that
I received:

"OMG, you are beautiful! I'm jealous and I hate you :) Seriously, other than
buying great clothes what have you been up to since HS? I suppose that if I had
gone to a reunion I would know. Looks like you are happy. Glad for you. The
world is tough enough, it's good that you found some joy."

Now, after I re-read the message for the umpteenth time and picked my jaw up off
of the floor, I have to say that this is very typical of a reaction from women
of my generation (I'm 34 in case you didn't know). It turns out that this
message is from the old crew from high school. This is a girl who I used to hang
around with in high school, one of the outcasts like myself that banded together
because we were different. Of course I sent her a reply this morning. I can't
wait to read her reply.

to be continued.......

My Boston trip

I just spent 4 days and 3 nights in Boston on business. I just had to share
about my trip because I had a really great time and it was all because of a few
really special girls. I always hate going away on business because it means
spending nights in a hotel room bored most of the time. The last few trips I
have tried to find a local girl or 2 to hang around with and maybe get out and
see the local sights.

About a week or so ago I got on Urnotalone and went into chat with the hopes
that I might find a local girl. Boy did I ever hit the jackpot! I got a reply
from a rather cute girl (CD) named Rachel from the Boston area. We chatted a bit
and she pointed me to a local girls night out group named "Sisters of Boston".
She also told me that they met on Fridays at a local hotel bar and usually went
to a club or bar in the area later in the evening as well. Rachel agreed to take
me with her on Friday night to meet the Sisters. I also joined the yahoo group
and post that I was going to be in the area for a few days and was looking for
some help breaking the boredom.

I got a few replies from the group, but one of the moderators named Sonia really
went out of her way to greet me. We emailed back and forth and she said she
would take me out to a local bar and to listen to some music if I wanted to. She
came and met me at my hotel on Wed. night and we went off to a really great jazz
bar named Zygomates. The bar centers around its wines and we decided to share a
bottle as we sat and talked while listening to some incredible jazz being
played. We sat there for several hours enjoying some good wine, great music, and
wonderful company. I didn't want the night to end but inevitably, I had to go
back to the hotel. Sonia walked me back to the hotel and we said our good-byes.

On Thursday I found myself with no plans and decided to throw a note out on the
group to see if anyone else might be free to do something. The few replies I got
were from girls who were unable to get out, so I decided I would try and go out
to a bar I had found the night before a block away. As I was getting ready to go
out I got a text message from Sonia asking if I had found anyone to go out with.
I replied that I had not, but was going out anyway. To my surprise, Sonia called
me and volunteered again to come and join me. I felt honored that she would go
out of her way like this to make this Jersey Girl feel at home. We hit a few
bars, I got a few blisters from my new shoes, and I got to bed at a late hour
(not that I was complaining, mind you). We talked for what seemed like days that
night, and found that we really had some things in common and we certainly were
becoming friends. This was way too cool! Every city needs a Sonia to greet the
new and visiting girls...

On Friday Rachel came over after work and we got ourselves ready to go out. I
had to get some souvenirs for my wife and we went out in search of a store that
was still open after 8pm that might have what I was looking for. We wandered
around some stores as it was getting dark and I do have to say that for once, I
was not the one that was getting all the looks. Rachel was definitely getting
lots of attention. It was great! For a new girl she really has a classy look and
turns some heads. We eventually ended up at a mall and I found my souvenirs. We
made our way to the hotel to meet the rest of the Sisters and I was greeted by
their Queen (meant affectionately, she is the one that is organizing the meets
<g>). Ashley was a sight to see I must admit. I definitely had some competition
in the legs department with this one. Legs a mile high, great body, absolutely
gorgeous. The girls welcomed me and we had a drink before some of the girls
headed off to another bar. Some girls stayed at the hotel while about 8 of us
(including one GG) made our way to a dance club named Roxy in Boston, right
around the corner from my hotel.

Now, if you know me you know that I am not much of a dancer and have to be
practically dragged out onto the dance floor. We went in and I had a drink and
watched some of the girls join those on the dance floor. I was enjoying the beat
of the music and said "what the heck" and joined them on the dance floor. After
all, you only live once. Now, this is not a TG type club, and we were the only
TGs there. Some of the dancers were very friendly right away and some were
giving us odd looks, but we didn't care. I started to move to the beat, but I
don't really know how to dance. Being a people watcher I just watched the women
and tried to emulate some of what they were doing. Before I knew it I didn't
really care what anyone thought and just enjoyed myself. We had a few GGS come
over and dance with us and 2 stayed to dance with us for the rest of the
evening. Some others came & went, we had pictures taken with a bunch of GGS and
even some of the guys too as we danced the night away. I was having a ball. My
feet hurt, my legs were sore, but I didn't care. I was really getting into the
music and the GGS (and some more guys) were starting to enjoy dancing with me
(and the other girls with me too). Ashley and I definitely wore that dance floor
out. We spent over 2 hours dancing almost non-stop and when the club closed I
didn't want to stop dancing. Ok, I'm hooked! I think that this is the most fun
(and exercise) that I have had in a long time.

Afterwards Rachel came back to my hotel and changed to head home. I feel as if I
made another good friend that night (several in fact). I was so happy that
Rachel happened to sign into URNA when I was on that first night. Thank you Rachel!

Sonia - You made my trip very memorable and I will be sure to look you up next
time I am in town. Ashley - You go girl! Keep up the good work. To the rest of
the Sisters, thank you for welcoming me into your group. I had fun and all of
you made an otherwise boring business trip very exciting and memorable.

I will look the Sisters up the next time I am in town. That's a promise!

New page

I added a new page "What to do when the wig gets wiggy".

I had a good day

Today I had a Heather day since I was working from home. I decided to put on a
blue sleeveless floral print dress that comes to just above the knee. I wore a
pair of white 3" heeled sandals (spike heel of course, I hate blocky heels).

I went to get my nails done today since I needed a fill. While I was there I
decided to use the gift certificate that my wife gave me on my birthday to get a
pedicure. Yes, my wife gave me a gift certificate to the nail salon as a
birthday gift (Love you babe!) This was the first time I ever did this so it was
a new experience for me. Amy, the nail tech who usually does my nails was doing
someone else's pedicure (It seems like 20 people showed up for pedicures at the
same time today). She saw me sit down and said "So you decided to treat yourself
today? Good for you.) The staff all know about me so its no secret that I'm a
crossdresser but most of the other patrons don't figure me out, and to the staff
I'm Heather - another woman in the salon. I must say, if you have never had a
pedicure done you don't know what you're missing.... I decided to go French for
my toes for a change. I'm amazed at how much better the little piggies look now.
I will definitely be getting a pedicure on a more or less regular basis.

This afternoon I had to run a prescription to the pharmacy for my wife to be
filled. Of course I had to send Heather, as I wasn't about to get changed just
for that.. ;) When I handed the Rx over to the guy behind the counter he looked
at the name and said "You're in the computer, right?" He assumed that I was
Lorraine (my wife). LOL! I went to Genaurdi's to get some groceries while I
waited and of course all went smoothly there. Apparently they have a policy of
addressing customers by name and I paid by credit card (its in Joe's Name, not
Heather's). The cashier said "Have a nice day Miss Irvine". Of course she saw
the name that came across the screen but she was a good sport and didn't blow my
cover.

I also stopped at Walmart to look for some new makeup. I found out after looking
at Cover Girl's color chart that I have been using the wrong shade. They have a
neat clear plastic color chart. You hold it against the back of your hand and
the color that disappears is your best match - pretty neat! I also found some
oil control makeup for oily skin so I'm gonna give it a try. I hate having oily
skin, I always have a shine after about 4 hours. I hope to get at least 8 hours
out of this stuff without having to re-powder, because after a day the makeup is
so thick from powder that i almost have to remove it & reapply. I plan to try it
out tomorrow if I can.

So that was my day. I was a busy girl... :) I even got work done too.

Out at the park

I took my daughter to the park today enfemme. I wore khaki capris, pink
camisole, and white flip-flops (the ones with the 2" soles). I think one
of the kids might have suspected something but everyone else was
clueless. I loved it. I was already dressed up when my daughter said she
wanted to go to the park and I wasn't about to get changed since I
haven't been able to in over a week and a half as it was. I even
unloaded the camp gear enfemme....

Reflections in the mirror

This past week I was away on vacation. While we were away at this event,
we had a family portrait taken of us, and I do have to say that it came
out very well. While looking at the photo something clicked in my mind
and in a way it bothered me. You see, it finally dawned to me that I
have never liked the face that was looking back at me when I looked at
myself. Through my entire life the face that has been staring back at me
in photos has never really seemed right, and until yesterday I didn't
know why. You see, we each have our own self-image. This is the way we
see ourselves when there is no photo to reference and no mirror to look
in. My self-image is very different than that which I see in the mirror
every day. The face that has been staring back at me for the last 34
years has never seemed quite right to me. Last night as I was hopping
into bed it hit me. My inner self-image is that of Heather.

Let me be clear here, I am not talking about seeing myself as a woman,
as that is not the case. I still have no desire to go that route. But
the face that stares back at me in the mirror when I get done putting on
my makeup and wig is the face that seems right. As Joe, I don't like the
way I look one bit. As Heather I love the way that I look. I love the
long brunette hair, the soft complexion, the way the makeup makes my
eyes seem sexy, seductive even. As Heather I am confident, proud of who
I am, strong-willed, and it just feels better. As Joe I have needed to
be in control of things to overrule my shyness and sometimes lack of
confidence.

I have never liked short hair, and due to genetics mine will never grow
long. At the same time, if I wore my hair the way I think looks good on
me, people would have a problem with it, so I become Heather to make my
self-image be the one I see in the mirror (actually I think that is
backwards, I want what I see in the mirror to be my inner self-image). I
despise short hair on me, yet that is all I will ever have. I tried a
beard, a mustache, a goatee... None of these ever felt right on me. I
did it because I thought it was what "men" did. It is not me though. I
am not one of those "hairy" men (EWWWW!). I like the feeling after a
good shave. I like the smoothness of my skin. I love the way pantyhose
or stockings feel on freshly shaved legs. I love the way my stretch
jeans feel while wearing a pair of thong panties. I love what makeup
does for my face. I have always hated to shave, and if I could would be
done with it for good. I love the clean-cut look without 5 0'clock
shadow. The only way I will ever achieve that look is with makeup as I
have 5 o'clock shadow even after a close shave.

I hate Men's clothes. Women's fit me so much better and seem so much
more natural to me. I love the feeling of a skirt and would wear them
more often than not if I could. High heels just feel natural. I see a
cute dress and I just want to put it on. I would rather wear a camisole
than a T-shirt any day, they are just more comfortable. Not to mention I
like the way my body looks, why shouldn't I show it off? I find men's
suits uncomfortable and have always hated them, yet I would gladly wear
a skirt suit to work every day.

When I see the way that I look in Heather's clothes I love the person
that is looking back at me. When I used to wear all male clothes I never
liked the way anything looked on me. The clothes never fit me right. I
like flattering clothes. I love colors. I love high heels and the way
they look on me. I like women's sandals, men's are just ugly.

Have no doubt, I am definitely not a transsexual. I have no desire to be
one either. I am more than a man in a dress, more than a mere
cross-dresser even. What am I then? This is the question that may never
be fully answered. Even among the trans-gendered I am a bit of an
oddity. I have transcended to a plane much higher than most will ever
achieve. In some ways I am neither man nor woman. In other ways I am
both at the same time.

Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

Went out for a bit yesterday

I haven't posted about one of my outings in a while so I figured I would
for a change. I wore a short jean skirt, and layered a brown camisole
over a white one and wore a pair of brown heels since it was 90 out. I
do have to admit I definitely looked very GG. As usual I didn't get any
looks or comments at the nail salon. In the past there have been a few
occasions when I know I was read at the salon because of the looks but
yesterday not a single look from any of the women there. I was just
another woman getting her nails done. I do love the people at the salon.
Sure, they know I'm a guy (I told them day 1 to be sure they would not
have an issue with me) but they treat me no differently than any other
patron. I love going to the salon for a few reasons. The main one is
obviously because it keeps my nails looking great. Another reason is it
lets me see how GGs dress on a day to day basis up close and personal. I
pick up lots of fashion ideas by observing how the other women dress
when they are there. At times I will have conversations with the other
ladies and it makes me feel good when they refer to me as "she" or
"her". I'm sure some of them know or suspect, but they still treat me
like one of the ladies.