Here is a conversation I had on a group I belong to. It all started with the article below and evolved from there. I left names out of the replies for privcy reasons, and the conversation was had between me and a few others. I think it's a good evolution of an idea.
by Joanna Douglas, Shine Staff, on Fri Jan 14,
2011 1:41pm PST
A new study of 3,000 women conducted by Superdrug found that one in three women refuse to go out in public without wearing makeup. As in, they can't even run out to the grocery store or to pick up their kid without makeup on. Really? Nearly half of all women say they prefer to wear cosmetics than to show their bare face. But what's the most shocking of all: one in ten women polled said they would never ever let their partner see them without a full face of makeup on.
Sara Wolverson of Superdrug told the Daily Mail: "For many women, putting their makeup on is an important part of their day, and the thought of people seeing them without can be horrifying. We know that when it comes to cutting back, cosmetics are seen as an essential. Wearing and buying cosmetics is not about vanity. It's about giving a woman confidence to succeed in every area of their life."
But really, how is it that some of these women will be intimate with their man, but won't show him her natural face? Makeup is pretty, but it's not always necessary!
The Daily Mail reached out to Jackie Fletcher, a life coach from Hampshire, who said a woman's relationship with makeup is not just about her outward appearance, but also what's going on on the inside. "Make-up can help with a sense of self-respect," said Fletcher. "The reality is that we do judge people by how they look, and this can be especially important for women in business who often need to appear professional. But there is another side to it. If the reason for wearing make-up lies in the woman feeling worried that people will judge her for the way she looks rather than who she is, that’s a problem that needs to be addressed."
More stats from the poll:Â
Over 33% felt their partner would not have been attracted to them if they hadn't been wearing makeup when they metThe average woman waits 2.5 months before going makeup-less in front of her partner14% of women get out of bed early to put on makeup before their partner wakes upSix in 10 women will not go to work without makeupNearly 25% believe they would be ignored for a promotion if they didn't wear makeup37% think their managers would assume they didn't take care of themselves
How important is wearing makeup to you?
My response:
What I'm waiting for is the day when the same thing can be said for men.. Most men would do good to never leave the house without makeup on. reply:
Guys are not that polished. One of the questions was about getting dates and if a guy thought he could not get a date with out make up the article would have been if men were addicted to make up. I guarantee you if men needed lipstick to get noticed by women they would be over doing it.
I think it is interesting that gay men do pay more attention to being attractive because they seek someone who is visually oriented. Lucky for straight men that women care more about a mans abilities and what he can do than what he looks like. Usually there is only enough room for one beauty queen in a relationship.
Me:
Are you sure that women are more attracted to a man's abilities? It might be that since the choices in "beautiful" men are so scarce, that women have no choice but to settle for abilities, even though they really want a "pretty" guy. Women have been taught all their lives that this is all there is to choose from, so settle for one who can support you. There have been times where the men were prettier than the women and women loved the pretty men over the rest. reply:
Well heck..... you are right Heather. There have been cultures where men were "the pretty ones"... but they were not pretty like women they were decorative males and not impersonating/copying females. Cowboys like to dress somewhat flamboyantly for example. In a way they are doing the same kinds of things women do, heeled decorative pointed boots, colorful fitted shirts, hats, fancy silver bling and tight pants. Guess the cowgirls like it but does not seem to be a universal appeal. In LA cowboys have a 20 percentage point lower perceived IQ but in Colorado it's reversed and they don't like city slickers.
I said something like that the other day about a lot of what a "man" or "woman" is, is what is needed at the time. If one can fill the role?
Me:
It's all a function of the culture at the time & place. There are women who look for guys with long hair, smooth bodies, and wear eyeliner and lipstick, but those are usually the goths or rock band types. There are some who like guys with lots of muscles and need a shave. With the average American male being overweight, women have a lowered set of expectations and just say "he's a guy, what else do you expect?" If we start to raise the bar again, guys will start to be pretty again and women will start to expect it. reply:
Yah....yah....yah.... I'm Okay with all that... so what about the fake boobs?
me:
When men aren't allowed to be "pretty", those who would otherwise want to be "pretty" have no choice to dress up as women in order for society to accept them as being "pretty". If society accepted that men can be "pretty" too, then i have no doubt that most cross dressers would never have started cross dressing. reply:
I'm sorry but a doesn't equal b here. The fact that I want to be pretty has nothing to to do with my desire to crossdress. In fact I would not want to be a "pretty" man; a handsome one, yes. Being pretty in my mind is a feminine trait. I crossdress because I have that deep-seated need to express femininity, whether I'm pretty or not. At my age, being pretty is probably some kind of internal sense of self. I'm lucky just to be considered an older attractive woman. And considering I'm plus-size too, well, how about just not being ugly
Me:
But, if society allowed men to be feminine, would you really still want to cross dress? Think about it.. If you could wear the same clothes, makeup, jewelry, and hair styles but not need the boobs, voice or feminine name, would you still cross dress? And, would it still be considered cross dressing, or just a feminine male?
reply:
Being a feminine man is not the same as being as being female and most crossdressers desire to emulate women in all aspects, although clearly we tend to emulate what most would consider the girly-girl look instead of some androgynous look
Me: But do cross dressers try to emulate women because we really want to be like women, or is it because we know that is the only way we will be allowed to express our feminine side? I think we emulate the "girly-girl" as a form of rebellion against a society that expects us to be "manly men" all the time. If you stop and look it from the outside, the question is very valid. We have been programmed from birth to think that a feminine male is wrong and something to be ashamed of. If we had been raised from birth to believe that a feminine male was perfectly acceptable, would we still have this desire to emulate women?
If I use myself as an example, I used to think that emulating women was the only way I could be happy and express my feminine side. About 2 years or so ago I finally said f*ck it, I'm going to be me and if they don't like it, they can take a long walk on a short pier. Ever since then I have found that I don't care anywhere near as much about emulating women. Sure, I still have my Heather days and as Heather, I am all woman. But on the rest of the days I freely express my femininity as a guy. On those days I have little to no desire to emulate women at all even though I carry a purse, have my nails done, wear earrings, wear high heeled boots, wear skirts, etc. I leave the boobs, femme voice and wig home and forego most of the makeup on those days and am extremely happy. I am a feminine, androgynous, or otherwise ambiguous male on my guy days and have found that society for the most part accepts me as who I am. I am far happier since I had this revelation than I was even after I came out of the closet.
I firmly believe that if I had been allowed to dress and express the way I want to from birth that Heather would never have been. I would simply be a very happy, gender fluid male. Society made me become Heather because it was the only way to be who I truly was on the inside. I have my "manly man" days where it's jeans, work boots, and getting dirty tearing a car apart, and I have my feminine guy days where it's tight jeans, heels, form fitting low cut top, makeup and my purse. Then I have my Heather days because it's just fun to be a girl sometimes, but those days are not the same as they were before I said f*ck it. Now those days are simply another way of expressing what I freely express every other day of the week.
