I'm going to get out again....

Tomorrow night is my wife's Xmas party for her office. Since we will be kidless for the night, I asked her if she would go out with Heather for a few drinks afterwards. She actually said yes! So, tomorrow night when we get home I will get changed and we are going out somewhere for a bit, just the 2 of us. We probably won't be getting home until after 10pm, but I'll certainly take what I can get....

My double life

It is kind of interesting how, as a cross-dresser I live such a double life. Sure, I am out to almost everyone that we know - friends, most of the family, even the neighbors know. Yet, at the same time I maintain 2 blogs, 2 websites, 2 wardrobes, 2 complete sets of IM accounts (on all the networks), even 2 sets of friends. On the one side I am Heather, an outspoken advocate for Trans-Gender rights, a teacher for anyone who who needs instruction, and a mentor. On the other side, I am a computer geek who is a member of a motorcycle club and a member of the SCA. I often wonder what would happen if a member of the motorcycle club found out about Heather. I am sure that people as a whole would accept me for who I am, but some of these guys would definitely look at me like I had 3 heads. Heather's website never links to the family website, and and the family website never links to Heather's. When you read one of my blogs, you are only getting half of my life story, and lately Heather's blog has been getting much more activity than the family one.

 

My sister-in-law asked that we not tell her daughter about Heather at this time because the parents are going through a divorce, and she is emotionally unstable right now. On their way home from visiting us last week her daughter says that she wonders about me. Something just isn't right about me, something "creepy". Now, I know that there is only one way to solve this dilemma, to educate my niece on who I am, what it is that I do and why I do it. Of course her mom will not go for that, so instead I will now be this freak that my niece can't understand. Narrow-minded people like my sister-in-law really aggravate me. I know that the only answer to anything is complete openness & honesty, but people like her believe in sheltering their kids from the real world. Like that is actually doing any good... All that she is accomplishing is to raise a child that won't understand the world around her. Unfortunately, my niece will probably turn out to be just as narrow-minded as her mom is. Of course, I am NOT going to change who I am or how I present myself just because my sister-in-law thinks there is something to hide from here. Sooner or later, she is going to be forced to explain what it is that I do, because her daughter will continue to pick up on the "strangeness" of my male side. I just hope that she takes the time to actually learn about who I am before she makes up some half-assed explanation. Somehow I don't see that happening though.

 

As each day passes, the gap between my 2 lives is dwindling. If you read this blog back to its origins 2 years ago, you will see just how much Heather has evolved and grown since then. I have gone from being strictly a fetishist to being a full Trans-Gendered person. I no longer get the same sexual gratification out of being Heather that I once did, it has become so much more than that to me now. In fact, 2 years ago Heather did not even exist, I was simply a cross-dresser.

 

I foresee the day when the family site and Heather's site will be cross-linked. I may even merge the 2 blogs into one at some point. Those of you that read this blog don't know that we just lost a 21 year old cat last week, or that my daughter is growing up to be such a wonderful girl. It stinks to have to separate the 2 sides of me and I want so badly to put it all into one big blog for all to see. Only our closest friends know of both sites, both blogs, and in some cases, both sets of IM accounts. I am working very hard to establish a world where Heather can be a part of the family life for all to see and accept. That day is coming sooner than many people  may think.

 

Keep up the fight. I will never stop fighting for what I believe in.

Anti-discrimination legislation

I find it interesting to read about all the anti-discrimination laws currently pending all over the world. Right here in NJ there is one that is currently on its way to being voted on. If the bill passes, it will be illegal to discriminate against someoe because of their gender identity. This is a big step toward acceptance for all of us that are Trans-Gendered. The day is coming when we will be accepted by society as a whole.

NJ making progress against discrimination

See this link for the details.
http://jweissdiary.blogspot.com/2006/11/nj-gender-identity-bill.html

More thoughts on this past weekend

I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised at the lack of reactions to Heather this weekend. Not that I doubted my passability, but up until this point my interaction with others has been somewhat limited while in public spaces. In my conversations at the park this weekend, it appears that my femme voice is passable enough that people don't seem to suspect anything. As far as most people were concerned, I was just another mom with her daughter at the park. The only people that figured me out were the ones that my daughter told. The one couple looked at me when their daughter told them I was a guy, and I could see from the looks on their faces that they didn't believe her. They kept looking at me and trying to figure out if she was telling the truth or not.

 

It was very refreshing to be out in public in the broad daylight and not being read by casual passers-by. The reaction (or lack thereof) just goes to prove that if you dress for the occasion, people really don't pay much attention to who they see. It is only when you are inappropriately dressed that it becomes obvious who we really are.

 

My wife is still very much afraid that I will run into Mr. ignorant a-hole one of these days and get hurt. I know that they are out there, but to date I have not run into any of them. When I do (Not if, it is bound to happen one day) I will deal with it accordingly. Most likely I will ignore them if at all possible. If not, I'll look for my way out. If that fails, a spiked heel makes a good weapon. I just wish that my wife could get past her fears and be happy for me in the huge successes that I am experiencing in my outings. My wife is just one of those people that always worries about the worst case scenario happening.

 

I am definitely taking advantage of every opportunity that I encounter to get out now. It is just too much fun to get out & about as Heather.

More on my outing today

I had a very long conversation with a lady today at the park. We talked for
about an hour, and when we parted company, she asked what my name was. I
told her I was Heather. I don't think for one minute that she doubted that I
was a woman. I'm pretty good at reading body language, and I never saw any
signs that she had any clue whatsoever as to the fact that I am male.
Mission accomplished! I am definitely 100% passable. Now that I have found
my femme voice, I can turn it on and off at will. I maintained it the entire
time I was at the park, and nobody figured me out that wasn't told by my
daughter. :)

It feels so great to be femme

Today I had to go to the office to get some things done. Since there wouldn't be anyone else there I went as Heather. I wore a black knee length skirt, white camisole, and a white button down shirt with half sleeves. I left the sleeves unbuttoned & rolled up above the elbow. I also wore my 4" white heels. On the way home I had to stop for gas and got Ma'amed. That definitely made my day. When I got home my daughter wanted to go to the park. I put on a pair of white pantyhose and my black knee high boots since it is chilly out. While I was sitting here on the bench watching my daughter play another mom sat right next to me and never suspected a thing,

My daughter just asked "dad" to help her on the monkey bars. Of course the other little girls said "that's a girl". My daughter said "no, that's my dad". One of them asked why I looked like a girl. My reply was "you like to play dress up, so do I". My answer seems to have satisfied them.

One of the girls told her parents. They looked at me for a bit and the dad waved at me smiling the whole time. There was no taking the kids and running away or anything like that.

I'm sitting next to a grandma and still not being read.

Total acceptance is all that I am getting.

Another mom sitting next to me now... Still no reactions even after conversation.

I'm having a good day

I was just Ma'amed at the gas station.. :-D That definitely made my day.

at the beach

At the park

Here I sit at the park. It feels great to be out with my daughter.

Out & about

Another pic out

My latest rant

This is a post I recently made on an adult baby forum. The original post referenced dressing up and going to Disney Land as well as the quote below. I though it said quite a bit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NH
I find cross dressing in a public place around children to be forcing a lifestyle down one's throat.

All I can say on this thought is, being a Cross-Dresser who does dress and go out in public on a regular basis, it is not shoving a lifestyle down anyone's throat. Shoving it down their throat would be asking them to participate and dress up themselves. I take a totally different approach. I am educating the masses. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what I (or anyone else here) does. It's not even illegal. Does society as a whole not understand us? Oh yes... Is it wrong? Absolutely not. The only way we are to be accepted by society is to get out there and educate society about our condition(s) and get them used to it. Is it any more (or less) wrong to dress up as baby Donald Duck and go to Disney Land?

Sure, there is a time and a place for everything, but so long as you are dressed respectably and not presenting a harmful attitude towards others, I say dress as you like. We encourage our kids to play dress-up, why is it then not acceptable for us as adults to also want to continue to play dress-up as were were encouraged to do as children?

Will I respect the AB rules when meeting someone? absolutely (as much as I would rather dress up at home first). Will I encourage others to dress as they like & go out? You betcha. I'll even tag along if you like.

And as for dressing up to go to Disney Land? It seems to me that hundreds of adults are getting paid to do just that at Disney Land. Why is it different for one of us to want to participate in the fun?

I will always respect your right to express an opinion (I'll even defend that right).

You mention about this not being the norm for society. "Even though not illegal, it is not proper with the norm of society. People are not used to seeing it each and every day. " You are absolutely right. Society used to frown on women wearing pants. Until some woman stood up and wore pants and stood her ground, that was the norm. Now, women wear pants as often as a dress. You want to be accepted and allowed to do what you are enjoying privately? Stand up and be recognized. Stand your ground. Make waves. Be seen by society. While you are doing this, educate them, make them understand, prove to them that you are not the child-molestor that they believe you to be. Educate the children that you are just playing dress-up the same way that they do.

My daughter knows all about Heather and also knows that I am simply playing dress-up. On occasion we will play dress-up together. We even play with legos or toys together, at her level (she is 4). Is this wrong? I think not. I am educating the next generation, teaching them what is acceptable and what is not. It is up to us as adults to make the children understand, because it is through the children of today that the adults of tomorrow are formed. Teach the children acceptance of others' beliefs and they will make their parents understand.

10 years ago people like me were freaks when they went out in public dressed (as adult women). Today, the younger generation thinks its cool, neat, different. They ask questions and at least try to understand.

Ok, I'll get off my soap-box now.
__________________
Hugs,
Heather

New galleries added

I added gallery # 23 this morning. Photos from Friday's Ladies Night Out.

 

Also, if you want to be notified of updates, you can subscribe to the RSS feed on my blog. This feature is built right into Internet Explorer 7.

My wife is brave

My wife did a very brave thing yesterday. My wife told her little sister
(the ultra-conservative christian) about Heather. Her sister is coming to
visit on Thanksgiving with her daughter so it should be interesting to see
what she has to say to me (if she has the guts to bring it up). So far this
is the first time Heather has been mentioned to any of her family. My family
seems to be accepting at some level. My mom didn't have any issue with me
dropping our daughter off on Friday en femme. My wife's family definitely
fits into the redneck category at some level, so we have not been as
outgoing with them about Heather as we have with friends and my family.

Halloween Pics

I just posted halloween pics to album # 22

Ladies night out

Last night I went to Ladies Night Out in Toms River with my wife and CuteLouise. We had a
blast! We got to meet a bunch of great TGs and a couple of other GGs too.
There was a great legs contest and I won third place - not too shabby
considering 10 people entered. The sultry walk really impressed a few of the
judges (who were all GGs by the way). Rain made some friends last night as
well, so that is a good thing. We are both looking forward to the next
gathering. I'll post pics as soon as I get them from the people that took
them.

New photos

Album # 21 just went online.

New Photos

I just published album # 20 - the photos from Chicago. Thanks Wendy

Its nice to be appreciated

I was just told by one of my coworkers that she spotted another CD the other day. She said that I looked way better than this other CD, that I had way more class with the way I dress. It made me feel good to know that, and to also know that other girls are getting out in the area.

Found my femme voice

I had to share this... Some of you will no doubt find the humor in what
happened to me Friday.

I have been working over the past few months on finding my femme voice.
Whenever I think of it, I'll try talking and bringing my voice up a touch
and finding that resonance that all women have. I know that I will never
truly sound female, rather I am striving to sound less male.

While driving down the road on Friday en femme I decided to give it another
try. I started by talking a bit which kind of works. I have never been able
to hold a higher pitch for more than a few minutes, and never with any
volume. I had the radio on an a song came on that I knew. I started singing
along (something that guys never do, but all women do BTW). I should point
out that I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket... As I was singing along with
the song, I noticed that my volume had come up a bit and I was maintaining a
much more feminine sound. I kept singing and singing, getting louder &
louder and my voice wasn't breaking up at all. Before I knew it, a couple of
songs later I was singing very loud and higher in pitch, and I had that
resonance I have been looking for - and I sounded pretty good singing too! I
was extremely happy. I decided to bring my voice back down to normal so I
could compare the 2 voices. This is when I had one of those oh &*($ moments.
I couldn't bring my voice down to my normal pitch.. I was stuck! (BTW: my
adams apple is fairly prominent - but at this moment it was barely
noticeable.) I have read an account by another TG who wrote of something
similar happening to them. I couldn't believe it, it had happened to me too!
I called CuteLouise and had to talk about it. She could kind of notice the
difference but not really. I then called my wife. Immediately she noticed
the difference in my voice. Her reaction was the best I could have hoped
for. "Very cool!" She said I definitely sounded less male than normal and
thought I could pass more easily like this. I was ecstatic. She laughed when
I told her I couldn't bring my voice back down to normal. We talked for
about 20 minutes or so on the phone and I noticed that my voice ws slowly
coming back down to normal. All in all it took about 45 minutes for me to
get back to my male voice. Now I just have to figure out what I did to get
there (I know what has to happen, it's a matter of working those muscles the
right way again). I am so excited that I was able to do that...

Have your photos been stolen?

Just a heads up....

 

Check the albums in the profile linked below, I have spotted photos of several CDs that I know in here. I am sure most are used without the owner's consent (which violates Yahoo's TOS by the way). I haven't spotted mine yet, but do intend to look later when I have more time. I know that I will be very upset if I find any of my photos posted by anyone without my permission, and I am sure that some of you may share my concerns on this. This person has to have thousands of photos of TGs, most are probably taken from user profiles and personal albums.


http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/tammytv3000/my_photos