It is kind of interesting how, as a cross-dresser I live such a double life. Sure, I am out to almost everyone that we know - friends, most of the family, even the neighbors know. Yet, at the same time I maintain 2 blogs, 2 websites, 2 wardrobes, 2 complete sets of IM accounts (on all the networks), even 2 sets of friends. On the one side I am Heather, an outspoken advocate for Trans-Gender rights, a teacher for anyone who who needs instruction, and a mentor. On the other side, I am a computer geek who is a member of a motorcycle club and a member of the SCA. I often wonder what would happen if a member of the motorcycle club found out about Heather. I am sure that people as a whole would accept me for who I am, but some of these guys would definitely look at me like I had 3 heads. Heather's website never links to the family website, and and the family website never links to Heather's. When you read one of my blogs, you are only getting half of my life story, and lately Heather's blog has been getting much more activity than the family one.
My sister-in-law asked that we not tell her daughter about Heather at this time because the parents are going through a divorce, and she is emotionally unstable right now. On their way home from visiting us last week her daughter says that she wonders about me. Something just isn't right about me, something "creepy". Now, I know that there is only one way to solve this dilemma, to educate my niece on who I am, what it is that I do and why I do it. Of course her mom will not go for that, so instead I will now be this freak that my niece can't understand. Narrow-minded people like my sister-in-law really aggravate me. I know that the only answer to anything is complete openness & honesty, but people like her believe in sheltering their kids from the real world. Like that is actually doing any good... All that she is accomplishing is to raise a child that won't understand the world around her. Unfortunately, my niece will probably turn out to be just as narrow-minded as her mom is. Of course, I am NOT going to change who I am or how I present myself just because my sister-in-law thinks there is something to hide from here. Sooner or later, she is going to be forced to explain what it is that I do, because her daughter will continue to pick up on the "strangeness" of my male side. I just hope that she takes the time to actually learn about who I am before she makes up some half-assed explanation. Somehow I don't see that happening though.
As each day passes, the gap between my 2 lives is dwindling. If you read this blog back to its origins 2 years ago, you will see just how much Heather has evolved and grown since then. I have gone from being strictly a fetishist to being a full Trans-Gendered person. I no longer get the same sexual gratification out of being Heather that I once did, it has become so much more than that to me now. In fact, 2 years ago Heather did not even exist, I was simply a cross-dresser.
I foresee the day when the family site and Heather's site will be cross-linked. I may even merge the 2 blogs into one at some point. Those of you that read this blog don't know that we just lost a 21 year old cat last week, or that my daughter is growing up to be such a wonderful girl. It stinks to have to separate the 2 sides of me and I want so badly to put it all into one big blog for all to see. Only our closest friends know of both sites, both blogs, and in some cases, both sets of IM accounts. I am working very hard to establish a world where Heather can be a part of the family life for all to see and accept. That day is coming sooner than many people may think.
Keep up the fight. I will never stop fighting for what I believe in.
No comments:
Post a Comment