I made a new friend today...

OK this weekend was just one of those really odd weekends. After Lisa & Jamie
Lee left to go home Katya wanted to play with her best friend from school who
just happens to live down the road from us. Rain called them up and set it up
but I took Katya so Rain could get some things done at home.

It started out like any other play date for the girls really. A few weeks ago
Katya went to a birthday party for her friend and I took her that day (as Joe).
The mom is really interested in learning photography and has a digital SLR
camera. I ended up trying to help her get some better pictures with the camera
but many didn't turn out right. The mom asked me about the pictures and we ended
up talking cameras for a while.

During the conversation she happened to mention that some comments were made
about me at the party. I asked her what sort of comments were made and she told
me that someone was being quite rude and putting me down because of my nails.
She then went on to tell me that when her husband heard the comments he got
quite pissed at the person making the comments. Now I should say that neither of
them knew anything about me being a cross-dresser. When her husband heard the
comments from this person, he told them "Look, this is my daughter's best friend
and that is her dad. They are here at our invite so knock your &#*^ off."

Needless to say I was both shocked and surprised. The mom commented on my nails
and mentioned that she had noticed them but "so what if he has fake nails". Of
course I felt things out and ended up showing her a picture of Heather. Her
comment was "Damn, you're hot. You make a better looking girl than you do a
guy." We ended up talking a bit about Heather and transgender in general. In the
course of the conversation she commented on my eyebrows (she is a hairdresser by
profession) and offered to wax my eyebrows for me and get me a little better
shape from them. I didn't know what to say at this point, but she talked me into
letting them grow in for 2 weeks and then she will see what she can do to help
me shape them better. I can't wait. This is actually pretty exciting.

It looks like we will be trying to get together a little more often and hang
out, etc. 2 weeks ago we didn't even know each other except to pass as we
dropped our daughters off at school. Its funny how you can make a new friend in
the strangest way some times. :)

What a weekend...

We had a bit of a busy weekend. Jami Lee & Lisa Dawn came out for the weekend.
We had a good time and lots of good conversation. Friday night Jamie saw my
belly piercing and said she wanted to get one too so we decided to get it done
on Saturday. Saturday we went thrift shopping and got a few interesting things.
Then on Saturday night we had a few friends over and had a real good time and
some great conversation. All in all it was a great weekend and I think we made
some new good friends. I can't wait until we get together with them again.

How to get that feminine walk

One of the things that is a dead giveaway for us MtF TGs is the walk. Guys walk
differently than girls, and many of us never really figure out that
oh-so-feminine walk. It hit me recently that it is really so simple to achieve
and I had to pass it along.

The trick to that walk is to take one foot and put it in front of the other. The
easiest way to practice this is to find a curb. Any curb will do, but the longer
the better. Practice walking the curb back & forth until you get to the point
where you can do it without looking down at your feet as you walk (try this in
heels too). Once you have mastered this, you have the basics necessary to get
rid of that dead giveaway male walk. When walking enfemme, walk just like you
were walking on that curb. That's it. Simple, huh?

Read at the pharmacy....

This was told to me by my wife a few days ago. She was at the pharmacy to get a
script filled. After she handed the Rx in at the counter and was waiting for it
to be filled she overheard the conversation behind the counter. Now, I should
say that I have been in there a number of times as Heather picking up
prescriptions, mostly for Rain. The conversation went something like this:

"Isn't that the lady who has that other woman pick up her prescriptions?"
"Yeah, but I don't think that other woman is really a woman."
"Are you sure?"
"I don't think so"

I can't say that I'm surprised, and this sort of conversation probably follows
after I leave store from time to time. Not once have they let on while I was
there, and I am pretty sure that they won't say anything next time Heather drops
in to pick something up. Now I know that one source of their uncertainty is the
fact that I got a second credit card added to one of my accounts for Heather. I
always use this card when enfemme, so while the person may suspect I'm a guy,
the card really keeps them from knowing for sure.

I did a good deed last night

Last night we had a Ladies Night Out at a local hotel. I'd say we had about 40
girls and several spouses and admirers there. Partway through the evening I saw
a guy sitting at the bar kind of in the middle of the girls. Every time I would
look in his direction I saw that he was looking at me and would look away to a
TV overhead when I looked. I figured he was probably an admirer or such and
didn't want his secret to get out. After a bit I decided I would go over and say
something to him, even if it was to educate him as to who we were and why we
dress like women. I walked over to him and said "It doesn't look like you're
having enough fun". He got this embarrassed look on his face since he knew he
had been caught looking. I politely conversed with him and got out of him that
he was actually a closeted cross-dresser who just happened to stop in for a
drink that night. He told me that his wife was open to his cross-dressing but
that he didn't think he was passable enough to go in public enfemme. I looked at
his face and told him that he could pass well enough and would be welcomed in
our group in either mode if he cared to join us. His wife was working but
expected home soon so he said he might have to get her & return. About an hour
later he did come back enfemme with his wife. I invited them to join my wife & I
at a table where we were chatting with friends. They stayed all evening and
seemed to have a great time. I am so glad I decided to say something to him, he
probably would have left and not come back if I had not.

My reply to Senator Lautenberg

Honorable Sir,

I applaud you on your continued support of the GLBT community. I fear that you
have done what many seem to do when dealing with the GLBT community however. It
appears from your response that you may not fully understand the issues facing
the GLBT community. I am referring to the statement "ENDA forbids discrimination
based on sexual orientation". While this is true and much needed, this statement
only applies to the GLB portion of the community. I am hoping that this was just
an oversight in the wording of your reply. If not, I would like to take a few
minutes of your time and set the record straight. ENDA needs to be about
"discrimination based on sexual orientation, gender identity or expression".

The portion of the community that is most often misunderstood is the "T" for
Transgendered. Transgendered has nothing to do with sexual orientation. In fact,
the majority of the Transgendered community is heterosexual and many are married
with children. Transgendered is about Gender Identity. For the Transgendered,
the gender as assigned at birth based on physical sexual characteristics does
not necessarily match the gender of the brain. For many, they suffer from Gender
Identity Disorder, where the brain is one gender and the body is the other. The
Transgendered are not as readily accepted by the community as a whole as the GLB
are, and as such are discriminated against even more. The biggest reason is that
they are so misunderstood by virtually everyone.

Within the Transgendered community there are several smaller groups which are in
themselves very different. The 2 largest portions are the Transsexuals and the
Cross-dressers (or Transvestites). These 2 groups are very distinctly different,
as are the issues that they face. For the Transsexual, the physical body
developed as one gender while the brain developed as the other. Male to Female
(MTF) Transsexuals seem to be the largest portion of this subset. These are
individuals who were classified as Male at birth while the brain is very much
Female. For the MTF Transsexual they live most of their life in a state of
discomfort because of this. At some point many of these individuals make the
decision to transition to living full time as a woman. For some this involves
Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS) while for others it involves everything short
of GRS. To these individuals this is what it takes to make them feel whole. The
Transsexual faces a long and hard struggle to gain the acceptance of those
around themselves as a woman (or a man in the case of a Female to Male). In the
workplace the men don't want them and many women feel threatened by them.

The other portion of the community, the Cross-dressers, are distinctly different
from the Transsexuals. I happen to be one of them so I can speak from personal
experience. For the Cross-dresser, we tend to identify as our birth sex for the
most part. Personally I was born Male and identify as Male much of the time. At
other times I identify as Female, and present myself as such. At times my
mannerisms, dress, and presentation are very Male, at other times I am very much
Female, and the rest of the time I am somewhere between the two. I have been
fortunate to find employers who were accepting of this fact to a degree thus
far. I know of Cross-dressers who have lost jobs because they choose to
Cross-dress on their own time, not even on company time. At times we are
outcasts even among the Transgendered community because many don't feel that we
are Transgendered.

The biggest opposition that the Transgendered face is from the religious and
moral side. To many the Transgendered are considered an "abomination" or a "sin
against God". The GLB community does not face this opposition as much any
longer, as they are starting to be accepted even by the religious and moral
sides. The Transgendered are even hated by many in the GLB community because
they believe we are not part of their community. So as you can see, the
Transgendered need ENDA even more than the rest of the GLBT community. It is
extremely important to stress this fact whenever discussing ENDA.

I hope that none of this has come as news to you, but if it has I would be more
than willing to explain it in more detail to you (in person if necessary).
Please feel free to ask me questions if you would like more information. I would
like to thank you for your continued support in this matter. I would like to
also encourage you to introduce this to the Senate on our behalf.

Thank you for your time.

Joe (Heather) Irvine

Message from a senator.

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Responding to your message
Date: Fri, 5 Oct 2007 15:53:08 -0400
From: <frank_lautenberg@lautenberg.senate.gov>

Dear Mr. Irvine :

Thank you for contacting me about the "Employment Non-Discrimination
Act." I appreciate hearing from you on this important issue.

While members of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender community
enjoy greater protection against workplace discrimination in New Jersey
than in most other states, more must be done to ensure equal protection
for GLBT Americans across the country. As a longtime supporter of GLBT
civil rights, I have proudly and consistently co-sponsored the
"Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA)" over the past ten years.

ENDA forbids discrimination based on sexual orientation by public and
private employers in hiring, firing , and employment conditions and
terms. It also forbids retaliatory conduct by employers. This
legislation has already been introduced in the House of Representatives
(H.R. 2015), and I will be proud to support a Senate companion if one is
introduced this year.

Thank you again for contacting me.

Why do girls have more fun anyway?

This is a subject that I keep running through my mind over and over. Whenever I
am Heather I always have so much more fun doing whatever it is that I am doing.
I'm trying to make my wife understand but sometimes she just doesn't get it. She
recently suggested we go shopping in NYC for a day. The first thing that came to
my mind was "Cool, we can have a girls day out shopping". Of course that isn't
what she had in mind, she envisioned a day shopping with Joe. To me that isn't
anywhere near as appealing though. As Joe I really don't like the idea of
shopping very much at all, it's just no fun. As Heather on the other hand, all
you have to do is mention shopping and I'm there... Shopping as a guy is just no
fun really. I don't know why, but it just isn't. I don't have to get dressed up
to the nines to go shopping, but I much prefer to do it as Heather. That goes
for pretty much anything that I do except my off-roading, the SCA, and the
motorcycle. These are the 3 things that I do where Heather doesn't come into the
picture much at all. Again, no idea why, it just is.

Whenever we have a chance to go out with the girls I jump at the chance. My wife
thinks it is just because it is an excuse to get out as Heather. That isn't it
really. As Joe I don't care much for bars or clubs. As Heather I love to get out
there and dance the night away. It's definitely a girl thing, but again I have
no way to explain it to my wife so that she will understand. When I'm Heather,
the social animal inside of me comes out and I want to be with people and always
make lots of friends. As Joe I'm nowhere near as social. Heather brings out a
side of me that I just cant express as Joe.

The same thing goes for the beach. Heather will go anytime, Joe on the other
hand... nowhere near as much fun. How do I put this feeling into words? That is
the real dilemma. There is so much more to it than just becoming Heather for a
brief period of time that I just want to do it whenever I get the chance. I
guess you could say that being a guy is pretty darned boring. There is no real
variety, no color or style to being a guy. At its best being a guy is just ok,
but not exciting. Guys can;t spend hours in a clothing store looking at clothes,
there's nothing interesting to look for. And shoes.. Don't even get me started
about shoes. If a girls spends hours clothes shopping she's just shopping. If a
guy does the same there must be something wrong with him or he's gay. It just
makes no sense.

I just wanna have fun.