I'm sad...

Tonight I had to do something that I thought I would never do. I left
the Rainbow Lounge. For about 18 months, the group has been what I lived
for. I poured my heart and soul into the group because it was a great
place for transgendered individuals to get the support that so many
desperately needed. I built a website and chat room for the group. Every
day for the last year I moderated the group, trying to keep it a safe
place for us to be. Then, one day it all started to unravel. It was no
longer the great support group that it once was. It became a place where
members were afraid to post for fear of being yelled at by those in
charge, a place where discussion and debate were no longer welcome if it
did not fit a certain mold. It became a place where each and every day I
felt like I had to stifle who I was to be in the group, wondering what
would be the taboo subject of the day.

That isn't what a support group is supposed to be about. It is supposed
to be a place where you can ask an honest question and get honest
answers. It should be a place where you can mention the "unmentionable"
words so that you can get an education about their true meanings.
Members should feel free to say how they see the world, even if it
disagrees with the way others see it.

I'm sad. For the first time in 15 years I'm even a little depressed. I
didn't want to leave, but I had to. To stay would have meant to become
something that I am not, to hurt a good friend even. I choose to be me
and to continue to be free to grow as a human being, to save my friend
any more anguish over this.

To my friend, you know who you are... I did this to save our friendship.
To stay would have meant tearing what we have apart. I hope you understand.