Transgender ID put to the test....

Well, today I actually got to use my transgender ID card for the first
time since I made it. Today I had to go to the Division of Motor
Vehicles to take care of some paperwork. Since it was a Heather day, I
figured it would make for an interesting trip... boy was I right.

To give you a little background, the DMV has a police officer on duty at
a desk when you walk in for security reasons. Then you have to see the
receptionist(s) who check your paperwork for completeness and tell you
which window to go to. I had to renew the registration on the bike and
my trailer, remove the lein from the bike and get a new title for the
bike. When I walked in the receptionists were both helping someone so I
walked over to wait my turn. The police officer saw me walk over and
said "I can try to help you with that Miss." I handed him the paperwork
and he looked at the lein paperwork and told me I'd have to talk to the
girls because he didn't know how to handle that one.

I waited for the next receptionist to get done with what she was doing.
The girl said "Can I help you Maam?" I handed the paperwork to her and
she gave me the forms I needed to fill out and told me to come back with
my drivers license and the completed paperwork. After I filled out the
paperwork I took out my drivers license and transgender ID card. I
handed her the pile of paperwork and she looked it over. She Maam'ed me
again as she told me which window to go to.

I walked over to the window and the lady was doing something else so I
had to wait for her. When she came over she said "What can I do for you
honey?" I handed her the paperwork, including my IDs and she looked them
all over and took care of the paperwork. I had to wait fro the lein to
be removed from the bike so I ended up standing there for a good 10
minutes chatting with the lady. She kept calling me "honey" the whole
time. She said "enjoy the rest of your day honey" as I walked away.

Not once did anyone give me even a second look. The 2 ladies that saw my
IDs didn't even bat an eyelash when they looked the IDs over and they
kept referring to me in the feminine the whole time. Over all it was a
great experience and all that I could have hoped it would have been.

Twins....

Well, my wife just confirmed something that I suspected for a while now.
For months, I have been dropping our daughter off at the bus stop and
picking her up a few days a week. Some days I'm Heather, others I'm Joe.
Well, yesterday one of the ladies asked my wife when she was picking our
daughter up if Heather was Joe's twin sister. I guess this just confirms
it.. I pass. LOL

Where did the line go?

A friend of ours commented to my wife this evening that she can see a
definite difference in me over the last year or so. She only sees us a
couple of times a year so to her the change would be more noticeable
than to someone who sees me regularly. She commented that I appear to me
"more gay" than I used to be. I can see how she would say this. What she
is seeing is the more feminine mannerisms that have crept into my every
day way of functioning.

Some examples that I can think of are that I no longer slouch like guys
usually do. Most guys have really lousy posture. When I sit now, I do
sit up straighter, my back doesn't always rest heavily into the chair
back, and my shoulders are back and down more than they used to be. By
comparison, most guys sit hunched over, shoulders forward and a bit
higher. Guys also sit back heavily into a chair, with their butt away
from the back of the chair causing their spine to curve. Women tend to
sit with their butt against the back of th seat and their shoulder
blades touching the chair back. If their butt isn't touching the chair
back, neither do their shoulders or back. I definitely have started
sitting with a better posture, much closer to that of a woman.

Guys also tend to sit with their legs far apart and may lean forward
with their elbows on their knees. Girls sit with their legs much closer
together, putting their feet to one side or the other rather than far
apart. This lowers the height of their knees and is a learned response
to wearing higher heels. Women will also lean on their forearms rather
than elbows if they do lean forward. When I sit, I will keep my legs
together and shift my feet to one side or the other without thinking
about it.

When a woman sits at the dinner table she will sit back a little further
from the table and rest her arms on the forearms if she puts them on the
table at all. Guys, on the other hand, will think nothing of leaning
forward on their elbows at the dinner table. I don't rest on my elbows
anywhere near as often as I used to, and when I do find myself doing it,
I tend to correct my posture without thinking about it.

When a guy rests his hands, he will naturally ball them into a fist.
Some theories I have read say this is related to the traditional male
role of protector. Males are ready to fight on a moments notice. Through
evolution, male hands have developed shorted tendons (or whatever it is)
that causes them to naturally curve when relaxed. Women's hands on the
other hand have not evolved in this manner and so a woman's natural
resting state for her hands is a more straightened finger. When a woman
rests her hands, they will tend to sit with the fingers more straight,
nails facing out where a male will have his nails against his body,
table, etc. I find myself balling my hands up quite a bit, as is natural
to do. When this happens. I now relax them and straighten the fingers...
again without really consciously thinking about it.

When I walk, I now keep my legs under me, closer to centerline. This is
definitely closer to a woman's walk and is a direct result of wearing
heels more often. Most guys walk in a manner that I can only describe as
Neanderthal. They walk in a much longer stride than women (which I still
do in lower or flat shoes). Men also walk with their legs much further
apart than women do. Most likely this has to do with having to be ready
to fight on a moment's notice. Women also swing their arms much less
than men do and their arms are much more relaxed. There is no question
that many feminine qualities have snuck in to my male presentation when
i walk. Another feature of a woman's walk is she tends to glide more
where a male will bounce more as they walk.

Men have much stiffer wrists when they gesture as well where women will
relax the wrists, allowing the hands to move much more. This is
definitely associated with the stereotypical "gay" male. Men also cross
their arms when they stand or sit quite a bit. Women will not do this
very often, instead they will relax their arms, setting their hands in
their lap when sitting or letting their arms rest at their sides.

I think it is kind of funny. I may actually have to re-learn to look
"male" when in guy mode....

Hit on at Home Depot

This was a crazy weekend to say the least. I didn't get much Heather
time in this week so yesterday (Saturday) I planned on a Heather day,
since my friend didn't think he'd get free to help me yank some bushes
out till late in the day or today. So, off to the shower I went and
started getting myself together for a Heather day. I was all dressed &
had my makeup on and was brushing my hair when my friend called and said
that he could be over within an hour. He also needed my help with a
project that would require me going to his house, so Heather was out for
the day. So off came the makeup, wig and clothes & I got changed for a
Joe day.

Today I got up and it was definitely gonna be a Heather day. I went with
a typical conservative look. Jeans, pullover top and wedge sandals.
Nothing fancy really. We went gazebo shopping and found one we liked. We
stopped a few other places along the way so we had a bunch of bags and I
couldn't fit a gazebo in the Jeep, so we decided to stop back later. We
stopped for lunch at a local Japanese Hibachi restaurant and had a blast
at lunch. We need to get some of the girls together some day and hit
this restaurant for lunch.

After lunch I dropped Katya & Rain off at home and rearranged the Jeep
to make room for the gazebo and headed back to Home Depot. I was looking
as some light bulbs when I hear a guy behind me ask "So how tall are you
anyway?". I turned around and said "Me?" He said "Yeah, how tall are
you?" I told him I'm 5'10 and he told me his daughter is 5'11. I told
him the heels I was wearing (they were about 3") work wonders too and
he agreed. He went off on his way and I went to pick up our gazebo. As I
was leaving Home Depot, he was standing outside. He asked me if I needed
help loading it up. I thanked him for his offer and told him that Home
Depot had an employee coming to help me load it.

I always think its funny when guys hit on me at the store. It's only
happened a few times but it is kinda funny to see how they try. I find
it flattering as well, though i politely turn them down. :)

Ahh, the smell of burning pine trees.....

Well, if you remember, we had a major forest fire near us last year.
Well, on the way home from some shopping today, we saw quite a bit of
smoke by Fort Dix. As we got closer to home, we saw the road to Barnegat
off of Rt 72 was shut down by fire department people and could see smoke
and biplanes circling the area. The Scrubby Pines campground on Rt 72
was being evacuated as we drove past it (less than 5 miles from our
house). As I sit here writing this, I can hear the biplanes making loops
over the area every few minutes. This fire is maybe 10 miles from our
neighborhood.

The good news is the wind is blowing (slowly) north-northwest, so the
fire is being blown away from us. There is no smoke in our area and it
looks like we should get some light rain later tonight. According to the
news reports the fire is more or less under control and they expect it
to be out by tomorrow sometime.

I'm not all that worried about this one, but will definitely be keeping
an eye on the news.....

I just realized something rather interesting

This really is interesting...

On our trip to WV, one of the things that people complained about is my nails. I was just thinking and realized that i have been getting them done for about 15 months now. We went to visit last time about 2 months after i started getting them done. Nobody said a thing last year about them.

Also, the boots that i wore this trip are very similar to the ones that i wore last year. The ones last year were black and the ones this year were brown, very similar style and heel height too. Why wasn't it an issue last year?

Last year i wore womens jeans. One of those pair i brought this trip too. Again, no issue last year. I did wear skiny jeans out this trip, which is a new men's fashion, btw.

I even wore camisoles under my shirts and sweatshirts last year, much the same as I did this year. Again, no issues last year.

There were 2 differences this year that i can see.

1. My purse. I didn't start carrying it until about 6 months ago. When we arrived i walked in carrying my purse and a number of bags. I left the purse in our room with the exception of when we actually needed to go somewhere, which was lunch the next day and shopping. We rode with Rain's sister for this.

2. Rain's sister learned of Heather about a year ago, after the last trip.

The one common thread that I can see here is Rain's sister. The purse may have gotten people to look closer than they did last year. Rain's sister could also have told everyone ahead of time. I just find this rather interesting. I'd love to get some input on this.

When the sh*t hits the fan....

When the shit hits the fan, it really makes a mess... Tonight my wife
and her sister had a talk on the phone regarding my cross dressing and
how we are such bad people for not hiding it away from the world. By the
time that they got off of the phone, Rain was crying hysterically. Her
sisters ex-husband doesn't want his daughter to be anywhere near me because we are so immoral. This from the man who is addicted to porn and who knows what else. Well, needless to say I had enough of her sister making my wife so upset that
I called her. I went of on her like I have never gone off on anyone
before. Now, for anyone that knows me, you know how calm and cool I am
about just about everything. I don't get pissed off and yell at anyone.
Well, tonight I did just that. Everyone in my wife's family loves to
bitch to her sister, who in turn passes it along to Rain. They ask
questions and jump to conclusions, all the while not even being
interested in getting the facts. They actually WANT to remain ignorant,
especially Rain's sister. She even told me this. I am sick and tired of
them dumping on Rain and it is time for me to do something about it.

I did just that tonight. Everyone is perfectly happy putting Rain in the
middle of it. They won't ask me any questions or talk to me about it
though. Well, tonight I took the reigns and called her sister and dealt
with it directly. Rain asked me not to do it, not to make the situation
worse. Well, there is no way to make this any worse than it already was.
I took Rain out of the middle of it and tried to talk to her sister
about it. Sure, she's all for me being different, just not in front of
her kid. I asked her how she would eel if I showed up at her house
wearing black eyeliner, lack lipstick, black nail polish, a black skirt,
fishnets, and dock martens. Do you know what she said? She said that she
would rather have me come like that than how I was dressed in WV... In
tight bluejeans, a pullover top and brown boots with a low heel. Am I
the only one that sees something wrong with this? I said to her, "you
would rather have me dress like that in front of your daughter, looking
far more like a woman than I did before?" She said YES! Well, guess what
- if we ever see them again, that is exactly what I intend to do. I'm
gonna get the gothiest (is that even a word?) platform boots, makeup,
and clothing that I can get my hands on. I'm gonna be wearing lots of
heavy black eyeliner, lipstick, eyeshadow, dog collar, etc. She thinks
people are gonna talk about me the way I have been dressing? Boy, is she
in for a shock!

I told Rain's sister that the family is a bunch of bigots (well, it is
the truth). Can I help it if they are narrow minded and not willing to
learn? Of course she got offended at this. When I told her that Rain was
done with her family she agreed that it should be that way. That is,
until I told her that this also included her. Of course she didn't
believe that Rain didn't want to have anything to do with her. Well, she
wanted to talk to Rain. Rain didn't want to talk to her (or anyone). I
told Rains sister that she was as much of a bigot as the rest of them.
Of course she got offended at this as well. She would not have an issue
with me being Goth or Punk because those are "socially acceptable" but
yet she won't have me wear women's jeans (the biggest fashion trend for
guys right now), or heeled boots (hey, cowboy boots have high heels too,
which is OK by her BTW).

She said she prays for me every day. I told her I don't need to be
prayed for. When I asked her why she didn't want to learn about who I
am, she asked me would I want to learn about her catholic faith. I
answered that I would be very interested to learn more about her faith.
Of course this was not the answer she was looking for. I'll be surprised
if she wants to ever see me again. I can't wait until her 12 year old
daughter rebels in another year or 2. She is going to be in for a very
rude awakening. All of the things that she has sheltered her daughter
from are going to come back to haunt her I think.

Life is going to be interesting for a bit I think.

Casualties

Well, it looks like we've had our first casualties. It appears that my
sister in law is now against us seeing our niece because of me. Instead
of simply explaining it to her (she's 12), she is avoiding the subject.
Lovely....
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They found me again!!!!

Well, it looks like yet another high school classmate found me. Out of
the blue I get a message on myspace from one of my best high school
buddies....

"I gotta say, this tops the list for me as stuff that came as a COMPLETE
SURPRISE, but as long as you're happy, then YOU GO GIRL."

A weekend in redneck country...

Well, we just got back from our annual cabin party with friends in the
mountains of West Virginia. Now, my wife's family (well, most of them
anyway) know nothing of Heather as I seriously doubt most of them would
understand. When it comes to the friends that we went to party with, one
knows all about heather and is supportive. The rest I think will have no
issues with Heather honestly. All in all the weekend went well, with a
few exceptions. I wore a pair of stretch jeans , block heeled boots (not
really all that feminine) and a pullover top (neutral really). One thing
that I did do though was carry my purse.

You see, my wife's younger sister would be there and she has been a real
jerk about alot of things lately. Both my wife & I agreed that we were
not going to cater to the narrow minded this weekend. If she decided to
say something we were going to take the bull by the horns and confront
the issue head on. Well, at one point my wife's niece (she's 12) asked her
mom about my camisole (an orange one under my shirt that showed a little
if i bent over). Of course miss drama queen over reacted to the whole
situation and confronted my wife about it. She asked :What does Joe have on
under his shirt?" as if it were any of her business in the first
place... my wife told her it was an undershirt and left it at that. The
rest of the story I'll leave for my wife to elaborate on because she saw
much more first hand than I did.

By the way, I hardly noticed any looks from the general public when it
comes to my appearance or purse. Overall, most people didn't notice or
didn't care.....

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Kids can be cruel sometimes

My wife was telling me tonight that our daughter has had some kids at her extended daycare at school comment on my boots asking her it i am her mommy or daddy. Of course she said I was her daddy to which they replied that only girls wear high heels. Now, the boots that I wear are a 2-3" block heel and always under my jeans (with the exception of one winter pair with a 1" heel that i do tuck the jeans in with). Never mind the fact that cowboy boots have as much as a 1.5" heel for guys. I'm sure the purse is part of the questioning that the kids are doing because they are being taught that only women wear high heels or carry a purse. Apparently people in the US aren't privy to the fact that many men in Europe carry a purse all the time.

Now, there are some that would tell me that I need to pull it back a little bit and be a little more conservative to protect my daughter from this sort of thing. I can certainly see their point of view but then I remind myself of a few things. Consider all of the children out there whose parents:

• are covered in tattoos
• are Goth
• Have piercings all over the place
• dye their hair all kinds of funky colors
• are the same gender as their partner
• were born with some major deformity
• are morbidly obese

Then I have to ask myself, how do these parents deal with the fact that they are different? They don't hide and try to make it easier on their kids or change who they are because of a few ignorant people... They get out there and educate those around themselves. They teach their children tolerance and how to deal with the rude comments (and it is really poor upbringing that causes the rudeness). Another thing that I try to remember is that if they want to pick on our daughter they will find something, anything to pick on. I'd rather have it directed at me than at her. I've been there and learned how to deal with it. I'm a big girl and can handle it.

Yes, life will be difficult for our daughter because of me and I am fully aware of this. But consider this.. She could be so poor that she doesn't have clean clothes to wear to school. Her parent(s) could be violent alcoholics, drug addicts or pedophiles. She could live in a war torn country where every day is a fight to survive. Sure, it will be a little tough on her but she will have it far better than she would have had growing up in an orphanage in a poor city in Russia. She will learn to be tolerant of others and to be a survivor. In the end it will make her stronger. All because her parents are a little different than the norm.

I'd love to hear comments.....

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