have my answer as of today, but it may not be the same for everyone.
Let me tell you about my day today. I took the day off to go Xmas shopping
(en-femme of course). I dressed fairly casually for my trip to the mall. I
wore my blue stretch jeans with the pink laces down the side, my pink "Vegas
girl" long sleeve tee shirt and my brown knee boots. I also decided to wear
the brown human hair wig for a change. I don't wear this one too much, no
idea why. I think I looked pretty classy, but casual at the same time. The
tee shirt is short enough to show my navel piercing when I actually stand up
straight. :)
I went to the mall and after taking a wrong turn (I hate it when directions
on a web site neglect to say "take business rt33 and not rt33" - GRR!) I
spent about 2 1/2 hours shopping. I did manage to get most of the things on
my list while I was there.
I find it amazing the things that people will say when they think you are
out of earshot. One conversation I heard behind me:
Woman: That is a trans-sexual up there.
Man: No way!
Woman: Yes, that is a trans-sexual, I'm telling you.
Man: Are you sure? (I could hear the disbelief in his voice)
Woman: I'm not joking...
Man: Whoa!
And another comment as I walked by a food stand: Helooooo good lookin'!
I think I was only read the one time, at least that was the only reaction I
observed. All in all it was a very good trip. I even ate lunch in the food
court, which was very crowded. I didn't observe any reactions to me other
than the occasional glance and move to get out of my way as I walked by.
Now on to the topic of this post. After lunch I had to go pee. I could have
held it till I got home, but I refused to let the stigma get to me. I went
to the restroom and walked right into the ladies' room. I found a vacant
stall and did my business (yes, I sat down to pee, don't make that mistake
girls!). Then I stopped at the mirror by the sink to check my makeup and
left the restroom. I didn't get a single look from anyone while I was in
there. I do have to say that I think this is probably the hardest decision
that a MTF TG has to make. Now, before you just go traipsing into the
ladies' room, there are some questions that you need to ask yourself:
How passable are you? This is by far the hardest question to answer. I don't
think you need to be 100% passable to do this. If you are unsure, ask some
friends if they think you pass, preferably a GG if you can.
How confident are you? Believe it or not, this is the most import question.
I don't care how good you look, if you carry yourself like an ogre, you will
be outted very easily. Confidence in your looks and abilities are the
biggest part to passing, IMHO.
How safe/tolerant is the establishment? If this is the redneck bar in the
middle of nowhere, the first thing I would ask you is "What the heck are you
doing there in the first place?".
Look around your surroundings. Where is the Ladies room?
Is it in full view of the bar or down a hallway where you might enter it
without everyone noticing? Down a hallway may be safer simply because you
can probably enter the ladies room without anyone seeing you do it. On the
down side since it is down a hallway, if you have a problem with someone
help is that much further away from you.
Are there a bunch of drunk/obnoxious jerks within eyesight of the ladies'
room? If this is the case you might want to find somewhere else. Then again,
women have the same concern really.
Is it in a well-lighted area? If it is not, your chances of having a problem
are definitely higher. Try to stick to well-lit areas and public spaces.
The worst thing that you can do is stand there trying to make up your mind
or be nervous. These will give people a reason to look at you and possibly
figure you out. If nothing else people will be suspicious of you. Relax,
take a deep breath and commit yourself to what you need to do.
If you can, bring a couple of girlfriends with you. After all, women do this
so they can talk about the guys when they are in there, so nobody will think
something is suspicious. At the same time there is safety in numbers. If
there is a problem, you have your friends there to help you out.
Most importantly, think before you act. The best thing that you can do to
avoid a bad situation is not put yourself in a position where you can have a
problem in the first place.
Something else to keep in mind is to know the laws regarding TGs and
restroom use in the area where you are. Some cities/states have laws in
place that say you can use the restroom that corresponds with your presented
sex, others do not. Here in NJ there is a bill currently being discussed to
give us these protections, but at this stage there is nothing to keep me
from getting arrested when I went to the restroom today.
There is an expression that is commonly used by motorcyclists. That
expression is "acceptable risk". In everything that we do, there is always
some risk that something could go wrong. "Acceptable risk" can be defined by
asking yourself a simple question, "How much harm (physical or otherwise) am
I willing to accept in lieu of protecting myself". For a motorcyclist, you
will find in states with no helmet law that some motorcyclists are very
happy wearing nothing but shorts & sneakers while riding. Then you have the
riders like me. Even on a 100 degree day you will find me wearing my boots,
pants, leather chaps, leather jacket, full fingered gloves, and full face
helmet. You see, when it comes to riding, I am not willing to accept as much
risk as some are. I take all the precautions that I can when riding because
if I have an accident, I want to do everything that I can to ensure myself
the best chance of walking away from it. Even the act of riding a motorcycle
says that I am willing to accept some level of risk. The chances of
surviving a motorcycle accident are far lower than in a car.
Before I walked into the ladies' room today, I reminded myself that there
was always a chance that someone might figure me out and have a serious
issue with me being in there. I could have been arrested for some trumped up
charge like "disturbing the peace" (this has happened in some cases). To me
I was willing to accept that risk, knowing that I am very passable and
confident in who I am. I did everything that I could do to minimize my risk.
This included not hesitating or doing anything that might make someone
suspicious about me. I also did not linger any longer than I had to while I
was in there. One other thing that I made sure of was to do what a woman
would do when going to the ladies room. I made sure to sit while I peed. You
would be surprised how many TGs screw that one up. I also checked my makeup
briefly, being prepared to redo my lipstick, etc. if needed. And the most
important thing is I did everything to ensure that I did not stand out. By
doing all of this, I reduced the amount of risk that I was exposing myself
to. Keep in mind that I did this at a large mall, which is a public space.
At any point in time there were 20-30 or more people withing a short
distance of me. If anything were to go wrong the more people that are
around, the greater the chance that someone will come to your aid.
Whatever you do, keep your safety in mind.
No comments:
Post a Comment