Disclosure

I find it interesting how a conversation last night proved a point I
have always made. I never deal with issues through a third party for a
good reason. If you follow my blog, you will remember an issue that came
up a little while ago regarding my best friend and another friend.
Supposedly the other friend had some big issues with Heather and the way
that I present when in male mode to the point of not wanting to be there
when I am there. Whenever a problem is relayed through a third party
there is always some personal belief/opinion that creeps into the
re-telling of a story. I take the stance that if the problem really
exists, the source will have to bring it to me directly or I don't want
to deal with it. Well, it looks like my philosophy proved to be dead on
last night.

You see, I had the chance to talk to the other friend face to face last
night for a few minutes. What he told me surprised me to say the least.
He informed me that he had no issues with Heather at all. He said that
he is very secure in his sexuality and that personally, my
cross-dressing did not bother him in the slightest bit. He even went so
far as to suggest that he & his wife and my best friend & his wife
should get together with my wife & Heather some evening and go out for a
few drinks or whatever so that they can get to meet Heather in person.
He has never seen a picture of Heather before so I showed him one or 2
that I keep on my phone for just this reason. His response was kind of
funny... "Wow, I thought for sure that you would be fugly (no that is
not a typo, he really said that)... Not bad!" So it looks like Heather
will be making getting an introduction to yet more friends who are
curious to meet her sometime in the near future.

It looks as if my best friend may have been interjecting some of his
personal issues into his interpretation of the events around him. I am
glad he is starting to see the light.

To my friend: Thank you for not letting this die. We will eventually
get to the root of the issues and all will be well with the world. :)

A note to all of our TS sisters (and brothers) out there

I wrote this in response to a long thread in a mailing list that originated on the need for us health care to cover things like GRS/SRS.

I find it interesting that throughout this thread (Which, BTW has been extremely educational if you step back and read it without becoming attached) several people have mentioned that as a cross-dresser I can just turn it on or off as I feel like it. I can be male or female as I choose. I hate to break it to the rest of the world, but (at least for me) there is no "off" switch for Heather (this goes for most cross dressers out there too). I cannot choose to be male any more than I can choose to be female. I am what I am, nothing more, nothing less. Every moment of my life since before the onset of puberty Heather has been there to some level or another. I do not cross dress because I choose to, because it turns me on, because I like the feel of the clothes, etc. Sure those may be factors at some level of my existence. I have to be Heather. If I cannot be Heather I might as well curl up and die, because a key piece of who I am would die. I do not have the option of being one or the other. I must be both or I will not be at all.

When I say that I have talked to thousands of cross dressers, ts's, etc I am not exaggerating this. The one thing that is most common with virtually all of us is at some point in our existence (for many several times) we try to throw it away, telling ourselves "I can stop this anytime I want to". The truth of the matter is that we cannot. Cross dressing is an integral part of the cross dresser, it is what defines who we are as a human being. OK, so we do not feel trapped in the wrong body, but that is just about the only difference between a cross dresser and a transsexual. We (cross dressers) go through virtually all the life cycles that you (collectively) as a TS have gone through in your life. We lose friends, family, loved ones, housing, jobs, etc. over the fact that occasionally we dress as a woman. We are called names like "faggot", etc. because the ignorant do not understand us. It is assumed that we are gay because we choose to wear a skirt. We are picked on and beat up in school because we are different.

What makes it even worse for us (cross dressers) is that many transsexuals (and this is not directed at any one individual, so don't get your panties in a bunch) look on cross dressers as if we were some vile, filthy thing. We are just play-acting, we're not really transgendered. We are sub-human because we do not want to have GRS and go on hormones to develop our own breasts. I am not making this up, I hear comments made by TS's all the time along these lines. We are outcasts even within the GBLT(I) community to some level. So in some ways life is worse for us than it is for the TS. We can't even call the GBLT(I) community our home, at least you have that.

So I say this to the transsexuals out there (and if this pisses you off, you are probably one of the ones that I am referring to), get off your high horse and join the rest of us. We are all in this together, for the same reasons. We are one, sisters (and brothers) even. Stop the bickering and join us in the fight for equality and acceptance, as I am actively doing every day for all of you. Don't draw lines in the sand unless it is circle around all of us.

New chat applet

I added a chat applet to the left menu bar on the web page. Now anyone
can chat with me if I am online. :) pretty cool.

Life has been crazy lately

Between work and re-doing the photo galleries, I have been quite busy as
of late. Finding a location for the support group is proving difficult
since nobody seems to want to return my phone calls. I'm still trying to
find other numbers of places that may be friendly to our needs.

New photo galleries

I have re-done the photo albums with a new gallery system. If you
haven't been there in a while, check it out.

Support group is coming together

Well I have called 7 locations to find a meeting spot and one called
back with a no-go. That leaves 6 more in the area that are
possibilities. I'm still hunting down more locations to use.

Life has been busy

This past weekend a few of us went out to king of Prussia to the
Renaissance support group meeting. We sat with a few of the other group
leaders and people from Renaissance National and it looks like I now
have enough information to get a Ren chapter going in south NJ. I am
actively seeking a meeting location and hope for a May meeting date to
kick this off. Wish me luck!

Being accepted is a good thing

I just had an experience that I had to share. I was at a client site
this morning doing a software reinstall (as Joe, not Heather). At one
point the girl in the office commented on my nails (she is the first
person to say anything at all in nearly 2 months). She asked how I got
my nails to grow and look so nicely. Then she asked me "Are those your
nails or are they gels?" Busted! I told her they were gels, that I just
got tired of my nails splitting all the way back to my fingertip. She
had no problems with this and from the conversation that followed I
tentatively put out a "Well, I did have an ulterior motive for getting
the gels....", to which she responded "I'm not sure I want to know the
reason.", but I could tell from her reaction and voice that she was
curious about why it was. I told her "A picture is worth a thousand
words" and dug out one of Heather's cards and showed it to her. Her
reaction was just what I expected "very cute, what's a T-girl? Oh! I get
it!" She still didn't fully realize that she was looking at a picture of
me so I told her it was really me. The conversation that followed was
very typical. She was very curious about what I did and why I did it.
She asked if I performed on stage (thinking of the drag queens) and I
told her it was just a hobby. By the time I had left I left her with
Heather's card and she said she wanted to check out the site. She also
told me that if I ever saw her out & about as Heather to be sure to say
hi. It's nice to be accepted.

A 21st century American Geisha

Keep in mind that this is my opinion and I am sure that there are many that might disagree with how I feel on this, but it is how I feel.

I was watching the movie "Memoirs of a Geisha" last night and found it rather interesting just how much of the Geisha I could relate to being a cross-dresser. Another T-girl recently made the correlation between cross-dressers and Geisha and I could see some similarity, but seeing this movie I was amazed at the similarities. There is a very memorable quote from near the end of the movie that really hit home for me. Paraphrased here: "We are artists. As Geisha we are expected to be living works of art. We are not Geisha because we have chosen to be Geisha. We are Geisha because that is what we must be."

For many transgendered I think some or all of this can describe us. For me, I would say that I am a 21st century equivalent of a Geisha. As a cross-dresser I do think of myself as an artist. My body is my canvas and I do strive to emulate the female form in every way possible. When Heather is out in a public setting I want people to see me and take notice, to admire my handy work. At the same time I want there to be that air of mystery surrounding me. I want people to see me as a creature of beauty to be admired but at the same time to be un-attainable and alluring. I want the men to stare and the women to be jealous, envious even. I want the men to be afraid to approach me for fear that I might turn them away. I want them to have butterflies in their stomachs as they try to find the right words to introduce themselves to me without sounding like a baboon. I welcome the stares as I walk by, the admiring glances. At the same time I want a crowd to gather around me when I speak, hanging on my every word, curious about why I do what it is that I do.

This statement about Geisha says quite a bit about how I feel I should be as Heather: " A successful geisha must demonstrate beauty, grace, artistic talent, charm, impeccable etiquette, and refinement". There is one scene where the onesan (mentor) tells her maiko (trainee) that the test of a true Geisha is if you can stop a man in his tracks with a single glance. To see this scene unfold in the movie really made me feel good about myself, as I think this is also the ultimate test of a successful cross-dresser (at least it is for me). Whenever I walk through a store or out in town I observe the reactions of those around me. Whenever I see a guy's eyes following me I know I accomplished my goal. As a cross-dresser I am not a slut (well, at least not publicly.. lol), I am a respectable woman, a goddess even. Whenever Heather interacts with someone for whatever reason, I try to be all of these things and more. I want the person to be left with a good feeling about cross-dressers, not the typical "guy out trolling for sex" opinion that the public seems to have about us.

When I put my makeup on it is done with style and class. When I dress I take great care to make sure that everything is appropriate and that nothing is out of place. I am transforming myself into an object of desire. I am becoming a Geisha.

New pics

I just posted a few pics from last night to album #25

Lots going on

Well it seems I have attracted the attention of some people at the
Renaissance support groups and my efforts and interest at starting a
support group is of interest to them as well. I think that this can work
out to be a good thing really. If we can arrange it we would like to see
about making it to the next Ren meeting in King of Prussia in 2 weeks so
I can see how the meetings are structures. I really think this could
work out to be something good.

Last night we went with some of the girls to Georgie's in Asbury Park. I
decided to go Goth after my wife found a great black jean skirt and lacy
top that just screamed Goth. I wore my corset and had it cinched in
pretty tight and from what everyone else tells me I got quite the
reaction. Just about everyone was commenting on the corset when I was
out of earshot. One girl kept telling me how great my figure was. There
was a gay couple that we were chatting with for a bit and one of the
guys commented on how busty I was. I thought it was pretty funny to see
how people took to my look. I can't wait to do it again, hopefully soon.

New writings posted

I just posted 2 pages on how to tell the kids written by Jamie Lee. I
want to thank Jamie Lee for allowing me to use some of her work on my site.

More pics taken

Louise came over and we got pics of me in my new corset and some other
outfits. I hope to have them on the site in a week or 2.. :)